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| "I can't stand
to fly (***) "Long time no see, Ran," Ken had said. He merely stood there, as unassuming and as open as a child introducing himself to a stranger on the streets, greeting him like they were good friends who had parted under the best of circumstances. No tension, no pretense, no hidden truths ... this was simply Ken, and to Ran, those few words had peeled away the years of separation and reminded him of the honesty and innocence that he'd helped to preserve. He didn't know how to respond, how to act, or how to feel. Besides, what was he supposed to feel? Surprise? Nervousness? Elation? Or perhaps a combination of all three? Not trusting his own voice, he opted to give his standing friend an acknowledging nod and gestured to the empty chair at his table. Without hesitation, Ken set his jacket down on the chair back, pulled the seat out with the requisite scraping sound, and sat down opposite the quiet man. If the former soccer player was at all uncomfortable with the situation, Ran couldn't see it. Only the warm serenity that the younger man had exuded since his approach seemed present. Thus, they sat in silence - neither uncomfortable nor uncomfortable but still pregnant with the growing rain cloud of unspoken words - and soaked in each and every detail of the other. Ran's gaze flittered discreetly from his companion's healthy glow to his professional attire. And it was here that he allowed a small smile to show: there used to be a time when Ken wouldn't wear anything more formal than a t-shirt and jeans, even upon threat of death. He wondered what had finally prompted the younger man to do away with that casual image, and if those carefree laugh lines in the corner of his eyes and around his mouth had anything to do with it. "You know, it's odd," Ken finally broke the silence, tone pleasant and conversational. "You have a scene you've been dying to act out in your head for what seems like years, but when you get the chance to finally do it, you seem to forget the lines." At this, Ran had to chuckle, a deep resonant sound that easily filled the air around them and caused an almost stunned expression to appear on the other man's face. Oblivious of his companion's reaction, Ran looked down at his coffee briefly. Sweet, plainspoken Ken ... he had forgotten how refreshing the younger man could be. "I agree," he said and paused before raising his eyes to meet those rich brown orbs directly. "So how have you been, Ken?" The mundane question put both men at ease, and unconsciously, the two of them sat more relaxed in their chairs. "Everything's as good as it can get," Ken answered, eyes meeting Ran's violet ones unfalteringly. "I'm a teacher now. I've had to change my name but it was definitely worth it. Hideki-sensei, my students call me." The brunet stopped for a moment when he saw a waitress bring a cup of coffee to his old table and look around. Giving her a quick wave, he gestured for her to bring his order to his new table before returning his attention back to his old friend to finish his thought. "In fact, that's the reason I'm here. There was an education conference in town this weekend. I learned quite a bit." Ran watched intently as the other man finished. So Ken was teacher now. Somehow, that wasn't much of a surprise considering how he'd been ten years ago, and he was about to say so when the waitress interrupted with Ken's coffee. After a clattering of dishes, and the required exchange of pleasantries, they settle back into their conversation. "And how are Youji and Omi?" Ken had spoken before Ran could even open his mouth. Still, the sudden question surprised him slightly, unaccustomed as he was to divulging information. He would much prefer to listen to the other man tell him about his new life. "Youji and Omi? I don't know. I lost touch with them after Kritiker disbanded Weiss. They're still in the business somewhere, I think. Once you're in, you can never really leave, at least not unless you take some drastic action." Ken nodded sadly and knowingly at the comment, and Ran couldn't help but regret his negligence in not keeping in contact with the other half of Weiss. He had been so arrogant and proud back then that when Youji and Omi had been reassigned to other units, he hadn't made much of an effort to maintain their friendship. In the beginning, there had been the occasional email or letter, but even those eventually became less frequent until they had stopped altogether. How fragile human relationships could be, he reflected absently. "And you? What are you doing now?" Even though he had expected the question from Ken, it still managed to startle him when asked. Covering up his minute uneasiness with a soft smile, he said, "I'm still with Kritiker. Now that I think about it, it's rather funny because you could say that I'm also a teacher. I train the new recruits now, and maybe take the odd mission now and then." Ken looked at him with mock surprise in hearing his current career choice, and proceeded to add an unhealthy amount of sugar to his coffee. The man hadn't lost his sweet tooth, Ran observed nostalgically. "Still with Kritiker ... " Ken repeated quietly, his spoon clinking delicately against the side of his coffee cup as he stirred. When he finished, he put the utensil down on the saucer, sighed, and looked across the table with an unreadable expression. "We had so many decisions to make back then, Ran. Do you ever wonder if you made the right ones?" "I don't need to wonder. I know I didn't." There had been no pause, no hesitation, and no second thought to his answer, and in the following silence, those defining words - introspection concluded far too late - were absorbed and processed by the two men. Yes, it had taken years - almost a lifetime, in Ran's opinion - but at that moment, sitting across from the man who could have changed it all for him, he finally accepted the fallibility of the man he had once been. Yet, somehow, it didn't come upon him like some exalted epiphany that an outside observer would've thought, and that, he surmised, was due in part to the fact that he had perhaps subconsciously known all along that he had made the wrong decisions in his youth. Only stubbornness and pride had prevented him from accepting it all this time. "I'm engaged." If Ken had thought the statement would've knocked Ran from his private reverie, he was correct. Ken, engaged? Now there was something he hadn't expected. He didn't know how to respond at first, and so, to give himself some time, he took a sip of his own over-sweetened coffee and waited for his old teammate to elaborate on his abrupt statement. The younger man didn't disappoint. "Her name is Mika and she's a nurse at a local hospital. I met her when one of my students was hurt during a soccer game. She's beautiful, smart, and caring ... " He shouldn't have been surprised. What had he wanted? For everything to stay the same? For Ken to claim that he hadn't loved anyone but him all these years? Yes. God, how he had secretly wished Ken would confess those feelings for him again. How many nights had he lain awake, replaying that pivotal moment in his head over and over, hoping that each time, the outcome would be different, that perhaps Ken had stayed or that he had taken the man's offer? But that ... that was all in the past now, and all he had hoped for was nothing more than an illusive youthful fantasy. Realistically speaking, he understood that he couldn't expect Ken to remain faithful to him all these years, especially with the encouragement - or lack thereof - he'd given the younger man back then. He knew that, just as he knew his own past actions had given him a course in life he hadn't truly wanted. In the end, they were both human. Thus, he resigned himself to the situation and focused his attention back onto the conversation at hand, nodding, laughing, and commenting from time to time as Ken recounted the trials and mishaps of his fiancee's courtship. It was such a normal feeling, this catching up with an old friend, and Ran wondered if this was what he had missed out on during his tenure as a top-ranked assassin. Normalcy, serenity, relaxation ... now that he had experienced all the effects firsthand, he wasn't too sure if he could let it go. He began to understand why Ken had wanted out so badly during their darker days. The younger assassin had always been a step ahead of him. An hour may have passed, or it could have been a day, or maybe a month, but as they chatted and sipped their coffees, time flew by without their notice, until Ken glanced down at his watch and straightened. "We should leave. I think this place is closing soon," he observed as he rose and grabbed his jacket. "There's a park nearby. We can take a walk there and talk." The redheaded man nodded and followed suit, briefly pausing to place a few bills on the table for their drinks. Quietly, the two men left the cozy shop and stepped out into the chilly air, the cold bite exacerbated by the setting sun. Ran hadn't realized that so much time had passed, and put his hands in his jean pockets to keep them warm. "Cold, isn't it?" Ken asked as he shrugged on his neatly cut jacket and started walking. "The weather is changing way too fast. It'll be winter before we even get a chance to enjoy autumn." Trust Ken to fill any lull in conversation with inane chatter. Ran smiled secretly at his companion's talkative mood and nodded in agreement. "Then again, I shouldn't complain. Everything changes. I mean, look at me. When we were younger and running around as Weiss, I thought I could save the world, but somewhere along the way, I discovered that it was impossible. I guess that's what they mean when they say 'growing up.'" A small, self-depreciating smile graced the Ken's lips. "Do you think I've become too jaded?" Ran didn't answer immediately. Walking a few steps in silence, he gave the question some serious thought before answering. "Let me tell you something, Ken. It's funny, but back then, we faced death almost every night and didn't care if we died or not. Now, only when we're older do we think about our own mortality, and understand what our limitations are. I believe that's when we realize we can't save the world alone. So no, I don't think you've become too jaded. I think you've just become more realistic ... and older." The dark-haired man glanced over at his companion with veiled fascination in his eyes. Ran, however, missed the look, his gaze fixed on the path ahead. Expression softening, Ken turned his attention back onto the sidewalk as well, and said, "Like I said before, everything changes, even us. Even you seem different." A red eyebrow rose. "Really? I've changed? That's odd. I don't feel any different." A good-natured chuckle escaped from the shorter man. "Trust me. You have." By now, they had made it to the small park, the dying daylight withdrawing its warmth from the yellowing leaves of the scattered trees, throwing the whole enclosure into shadow. Ran took the opportunity to lead the younger man to a nearby bench and sat down before replying. "I guess I have a little," he said with a sigh as Ken joined him on the hard wooden seat. Gazing out before him into the nearly deserted park, he resumed his thought. "I don't know what I was expecting. Flashing neon lights. Or maybe a full-orchestra requiem letting me know that the old 'me' had died." "A requiem?" Ken turned to face his companion, only to be greeted with the older man's perfect profile. He shook his head and glanced down briefly before saying, "No, that's too morbid. A well composed bridge perhaps, or a crescendo leading into another movement, but not a requiem. Who said anything about dying? You're just changing. Things change. Seasons change. We all change sooner or later." Ran smile sadly at Ken's observation. "Some faster than others. And some more than others ... " he said quietly. "And what's that supposed to mean?" Violet finally turned to meet searching brown, and the connection that had been forged over a decade ago shone with the polished luster of two kindred souls. Ran reveled in it, knowing that their bond would forever exist, a bond that would only strengthen over time and distance. "Do you know why I let you go back then, Ken, besides what I told you that night?" At the returned blank look, Ran continued. "Because I saw you for what you really were. I didn't know it at the time, but back then, you had the potential to do something wonderful with your life. You could adapt and change so easily, always reaching for the sun until it dawned on me that some day, you would actually reach it. I remember watching you that last night and realizing that soon, you would surpass even me, and I would never catch up. That's why I let you go." "Ran ... " It seemed like the younger man was at a loss for words, soulful brown eyes searching for and eventually finding something in the other man's face, something buried deep within a facade that had begun to crack with age. Finally deciding to break their invisible contact, Ran turned away and looked forward. "Yes, all things change, like you said, Ken." His tone was mild, gentler and softer, and so at odds with the man he had once been, yet that was something he had come to terms with now. "But I ... I have a harder time doing so than others ..." At first, Ken wanted to say something, his mouth open and voice ready; however, Ran's words and his uncharacteristic self-insight didn't require any response, at least in Ken's opinion. And so, he turned and looked forward as well, content to sit back and enjoy the comfortable silence that had descended over the two of them. Once again, Ran lost track of time, the minutes flying by in quick succession as day slowly gave way to night. And they just sat there, the chilled breeze caressing their faces as they privately reminisced of days gone by, and of dreams that could have been and always would be. It was a blessed period that he wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. Unfortunately, and much to the Ran's disappointment, it inevitably had to end. "We should get going. I have to catch a plane tomorrow morning," Ken noted as he stood and hugged his jacket closer to his body. Ran rose reluctantly and nodded. He knew he had to say goodbye, knew they had to part, but how was he to go about it. A hug? A handshake? Yes, a handshake. That seemed appropriate. Hiding his awkwardness with a neutral expression, he held out his hand and said, "It was good to see you again, Ken." In response, the dark-haired teacher smiled, brushed aside the offered hand, and leaned up to place a kiss on the older man's lips. It wasn't what one would call passionate, and yet it wasn't platonic either. It was ... it was one that held within it the years of friendship and unrequited love that had followed them through their lives ... a kiss that was uniquely theirs. Ran watched Ken pull away, somehow content with how everything had turned out. "It's hard to know what to say at times like these." the brunet's plainspoken honesty shone through once again. " 'Have a good life' seems too final and impersonal. How about 'until next time'?" The warmth in the redheaded man's eyes was answer enough, and Ken grinned happily at his companion's agreement before turning to leave. "Ken," Ran said automatically, his subconscious suddenly wanting to prolong the moment, even though his rational side screamed for him to let everything be. The younger man stopped and looked back, waiting patiently for whatever his old teammate had to say. "You were always the stronger one, Ken ... never afraid of change ... " Ken didn't respond vocally to this, but simply smiled again in acknowledgment of the compliment. Yet, he didn't move either. He stood there as if waiting for something else from his friend. Ran opened his mouth again, but almost a whole minute passed before any words came out. It was like he'd been searching deep within himself for a phrase that should've been said long ago, and now that it had been found, it needed some polishing. "I've ... I've always loved you, Ken. I still do. You know that, right?" It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders the moment those words left his lips, and Ran had never experienced such an assault of euphoria as when Ken's eyes brightened at his declaration. "I know, Ran," the younger man replied sagely. "I know." Satisfied, Ken then made to resume walking, only to stop and look back after taking a couple of steps. "You may not believe it, Ran," he said. "But I think you've changed more than you give yourself credit for." So saying, Ken walked away, and this time, neither man stopped their separation, both knowing that the decision was the best one. Ran watched his ex-lover's departure with a hint of sadness, but also, a sense of peace. Somehow, this felt fitting ... and right. Absently, he licked his lips, tasting the vague essence that he had always associated with Ken there, but in addition to that, the sweetness of the coffee still danced on his tongue. He smiled. He rather liked the new flavor.
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